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Tuesday, November 5, 2013

ULCERATIVE COLITIS : TUFF LUV AFFIRMATIONS

TUFF LUV INTRO: BROWN APPLES

The visual of a browning slice of apple is what I keep in mind regarding my gut cells. If I want them to be the healthiest they can be, I have to consciously act in their own best interests. I must be their advocate. They are demanding it of me and I can't let them down. I've learned they will scream at me if I don't treat them well. My cells want to do the right thing and I want to give them the best chance to succeed with the greatest army of soothing, anti-inflammatory foods and supplements, and stress-reducing activities. I'm worth it.

And so the goal of this little section is to get from "Why Me?!?' to "Why NOT You!". I know it seems counter-intuitive but let me explain. The "Why Me?" part is the powerless, confused, hopeless self who is suffering from IBD. The "Why NOT You!" is the empowered you. These Tuff Luv Affirmations are simply bootcamp for when you need that kick in the ass. Together, we can get you feeling better. But only if you behave. And, be reminded, there is only Tuff Luv behind the words, accent on the Luv.


TUFF LUV WARM-UP

YOU ARE SUCH A WUSS. YOU WOULD RATHER CONTINUE TO SUFFER THAN TO DO WHAT YOUR BODY IS ASKING YOU TO DO. YOU'VE ALLOWED YOUR TONGUE AND NOT YOUR BRAIN TO TELL YOU WHAT TO EAT. YOUR BRAIN IS A COWARDLY LITTLE BABY THAT NEEDS SOME WUPASS BOOT CAMP. YOUR TONGUE NEEDS TO SHUT UP FOR ONCE! YEAH, FOR ONCE AND FOR ALL, WHEN IT COMES TO WHAT YOU'RE EATING. THAT TONGUE NEEDS TAMING! YOUR BRAIN NEEDS EMPOWERMENT!

THAT'S WHY YOU NEED THIS BLOG. BUT JUST FOR A WHILE BECAUSE I CAN'T SUFFER WUSSES FOR LONG. SO I'M GONNA DEWUSSIFY YOU FAST. I'M GONNA HELP YOU PUT YOUR BRAIN BACK IN CONTROL. COS IF YOU DON'T GET CONTROL OF THAT TONGUE...I DON'T WANNA THINK ABOUT IT. BUT YOU ARE SUCH A WUSS, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. YOU BETTER READ THESE AFFIRMATIONS. READ THEM ALL. OVER AND OVER AGAIN. UNTIL YOU GET IT. BUT DON'T TAKE TOO LONG. THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS AND THE SOONER YOU GET YOUR WUPASS ON, THE SOONER YOU CAN CONQUER THIS. AND MAYBE YOU KNOW SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS SOME ASS WUPPIN. SHARE THE LUV, I SAY. BUT NOW THAT YOU'RE HERE, IT'S TIME TO OPEN THAT CAN. YEAH, THAT CAN OF WUPASS. YOU READY? WUSS? I SAID, ARE YOU READY? WELL, READY OR NOT.


AFFIRMATION NUMBER ONE

SHUT UP! THIS IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE! YOU HAVE TO GIVE UP MILK, CEREAL, BREAD AND DONUTS? I'M CRYING A RIVER. PUT ON YOUR BIG BOY DRESS, GROW A PAIR, BUCKLE DOWN, PICK UP YOUR BOOTSTRAPS, ADJUST YOUR BRA STRAPS AND YOUR JOCKSTRAPS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AND LET'S GET TO BUSINESS. DON'T YOU DARE WUSS OUT ON YOURSELF! BUT, GAWD, YOU ARE SUCH A WUSS!


AFFIRMATION NUMBER TWO

WHAT'S THAT?? YOUR WEAK, LITTLE WILLPOWER MACHINE ISN'T WORKING TODAY? WELL, KICK IT IN ITS ASS BECAUSE WE'RE GOING DANCING! THAT'S RIGHT. WE GOT NEW STEPS TO LEARN AND IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU HAVE TWO LEFT FEET. NO EFFING EXCUSES. GAWD, YOU ARE SUCH A WUSS. YOU GOT TWO FEET, AND THAT'S WHAT'S IMPORTANT. NOW PUT SOME DAMN SNEAKERS ON AND LET'S GO WALKING!


AFFIRMATION NUMBER THREE

AND I DON'T CARE IF A LEG OR TWO WAS BLOWN OFF SOMEWHERE. YOU'RE ALIVE, AND THAT'S WHAT COUNTS. YOU'RE HERE TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE WITH YOUR SPIRIT. STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF AND SHOW SOME SPIRIT. AND I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU HAVE: A WHEEL CHAIR, CRUTCHES, PROSTHETICS, WHATEVER. GET OUT OF MY FACE AND DON'T COME BACK UNTIL YOU'VE BROKEN A SWEAT. DON'T YOU PITY YOURSELF. YOU'RE GETTING NOTHING FROM ME. OF COURSE I'LL COME WITH YOU.


AFFIRMATION NUMBER FOUR

DON'T YOU WUSS OUT ON ME, WUSS. DAMN, YOU'RE A WUSS. GET OUTTA HERE! YEAH, I KNOW ALL YOUR BS EXCUSES. LOOK IN THE MIRROR FOR GOODNESS SAKE! I'M YOU! AND THE LONGEST JOURNEY STARTS WITH THE FIRST STEP. NOW, OUT WITH WITH YOU, DOWN THE STREET WITH YOU. YOU ARE SUCH A WUSS. GO!


AFFIRMATION NUMBER FIVE: THE JOHN BELUSHI LAW

IT'S NOT OVER UNTIL I SAY IT'S OVER!


AFFIRMATION NUMBER SIX: KNOWLEDGE IS EMPOWERMENT

OK. TODAY'S NOT SUCH A GOOD DAY. GET SOME REST. AND WHILE YOU'RE AWAKE, GET TO YOUR COMPUTER AND START DOING YOUR OWN RESEARCH, DO YOUR OWN BLOGGING. YOUR VOICE NEEDS TO BE HEARD. A LITTLE VOICE IN YOUR HEAD HAS BEEN SAYING YOU NEED TO TELL YOUR STORY. NOW'S THE TIME. THE TELLING OF YOUR HEALING WILL HELP KEEP YOU FOCUSED ON YOUR HEALTH AND HEALING. WITH YOUR STORY, YOU CAN HELP OTHERS. GO TO BLOGSPOT.COM RIGHT NOW. YOU'LL BE BLOGGING IN MINUTES. I WANT TO HEAR YOUR STORY. DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR YOURSELF BECAUSE NOBODY LIKES TO FEEL SORRY FOR YOU. YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY CAN TELL YOU OF THEIR CONCERN FOR YOU, BUT, AFTER A WHILE, BECAUSE OF THEIR FEELINGS OF POWERLESSNESS, IT HAS A LONG-TERM EFFECT. OTHERS WILL DISTANCE THEMSELVES FROM YOU AS YOU DISTANCE YOURSELF FROM THEM.

SO STOP THE PITY PARTY. NOW IS THE TIME TO STOP USING YOUR ILLNESS AS AN EXCUSE. INSTEAD, YOU'RE GOING TO USE IT TO HELP MOTIVATE YOURSELF, TO EMPOWER YOURSELF, ONE DAY AT A TIME, ONE HOUR AT A TIME, ONE MINUTE AND ONE ELIMINATION AT A TIME. BUT YOU'RE GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS, I PROMISE. REMEMBER, IT TOOK YOU A WHILE TO GET HERE AND IT'S GOING TO TAKE A WHILE TO GET YOU BACK INTO THE LIGHT. BUT THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THIS TUNNEL (PUN INTENDED, DAMMIT YOU NEED TO LAUGH AGAIN) AND YOU'RE NOT ALONE. DRINK SOME WARM CHAMOMILE TEA WITH ALOE VERA JUICE, HAVE A BANANA, HAVE A SCRAMBLED EGG WITH BROCCOLI FLOWER TOPS AND AVOCADO, MAYBE SOME CREAM OF RICE CEREAL WITH BANANA, CINNAMON AND HONEY. SOOTHE YOURSELF. DO SOME READING. START YOUR BLOG. YOUR STORY OF HEALING NEEDS TO BE TOLD. LOVE YOURSELF. THAT'S A FREAKIN ORDER!


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